THE OFFICIAL DONNA COUNT - UPDATE

For those who do not know, I have this secretary who has turned missing days of work into an art form. Her powers to avoid a day of work here and there is downright awe-inspiring. It's something that should be encouraged and celebrated. So, here it is, the official Donna count. Check back often for updates.

Days of work missed since June 21, 2006: 12.0

Latest "reason" for missing work: My head is spinning. The secretary is on a tear. She has missed 4.5 days of work since I last provided an update... 10 FREAKING DAYS AGO. Now, I will just knock out the latest 1.5 days because it's a lot easier to explain. She was gone yesterday and today; because, well, actually I do not think there was a reason. I guess it is easier because it was so expected. As I have said before, if football is on the road, it is a guarantee Donna will be away. An unexplainable phenomenon, I know; but, at the very least expected.

Now, as for the other three days, this is just almost too good to be true. Donna basically missed three days of work last week for... prepare yourselves... post-herpetic neuralgia shingles. This was seriously listed as a reason for her missing work. After laughing uncontrollably among others in the office, a little research was needed in order to determine if this was actually an ailment; and, if it was, is she going to die. I mean, that sounds pretty nasty.

After a little research, it is indeed a real disease. I mean, pay no attention to the fact it only happens to people over the age of 70, is rarely painful and is more of a nuisance than anything else; but, to her credit, it actually exists. To top it off, she said it was brought on by a migraine. I do not even know what that means. Points to her for creativity.

At any rate, it is an exciting time right now at The Donna Update. A new category is going to be added. Donna has added a new weapon to her repertoire. She has perfected the ability to manage to run an "office errand" at 4:00 p.m. each and every day. Never mind the fact these errands take only two minutes to complete; but, Donna has turned it into a project that takes an hour to complete so she can just go home when it is done.

It's an amazing feat. Obviously, she runs the five minute errand then heads straight home; however, for some reason, she is so stupid I guess we honestly believe it takes her an hour to complete the task. It's mad genius, really. Many props to her. So, here it is, the new Donna Update category:

Consecutive days with the 4:00 p.m. errand itch: 5

Should be fun to track, folks.