BOGUS BIG 12 CONFERENCE PREVIEW: NO. 6 NORTH - KANSAS STATE

It's football season! Which, needless to say, I am excited about. So, in honor of the upcoming year, this week will be a preview of the Big 12 Conference season here at The Waco Chronicles.

Now, this will not be the typical rundown of each team's strength and weaknesses a person reads in the magazines written by the so-called "experts." Rather, a preview with my own little twist. Specifically, a story about an experience I have had in the town of the previewed school. Call it a "bad decision" recap. Trust me, it will be worth it once we get to preview teams such as Texas.

So, without further adieu, let's get to business. Today's preview, the team I predict will finish dead last in the Big 12 Conference North Division, the Kansas State Wildcats.

KANSAS STATE
OFFENSE: They have one, it stinks.
DEFENSE: They have one, it stinks.
SPECIAL TEAMS: They have specialists, they stink.
COACHING STAFF: They are new. Nobody is really sure if they stink or not.
OVERALL ANALYSIS: They stink and stink badly. The K Fed kind of stink. The kind stink you want to walk away from and never hear from again.

Now, as far as stories in Manhattan go, I have many. I had the pleasure of working at Kansas State before making my way to Waco. Needless to say, many bad decisions, many mornings when I woke up wondering why the hell I did what I did the night before.

Therefore, no real one story defines my experience in the town. Instead, I can pinpoint one story that defines the people I had to deal with in the city of Manhattan on a regular basis.

Now, like most schools ending with "State," Kansas State is an agricultural school. Therefore, it attracts students from some of the more rural; and, some would say, backwards, areas of the state.

Well, as a guy who had just finished his job at Marshall and needed to find a place to stay in Manhattan within a week of his hiring, I did not have many choices as to where to live. I basically told the boss, I do not care where I live, just find me a place to live. He calls back, says there is a student intern in the marketing office that needs a roommate. Considering my options, I accept immediately.

Flash to move-in day. Immediately, I recognize the mistake I have made. I am in the process of moving in with four guys and as I walk in it is apparent to me they are about as "country as they come." Now, after a few weeks, I became used to them. They were nice enough people, generally had a good time; and, although they were extremely obnoxious drunks, they were actually tolerable roommates.

That was until football season hit. Specifically, the Kansas game. Now, for each football home game, our house would turn into a zoo. It would pretty much resemble a 'Drinkin' Drivin' Drunk Redneck Reunion' each Saturday. People I would not even know would be crashing on my floor. Puke would litter the lawn. Numerous glasses broken, numerous toilets clogged. It was a disaster.

The Kansas game, seeing how the Jayhawks were the Mildcats main rival, was the big game of the year. Redneck Nation decided to take it up a notch. Specifically, my roommates decided to order live chickens for the festivities. Why? Because K-Staters are clever and like to call the "Jayhawks" the "Chicken-hawks."

Anyway, I pull into the driveway the Friday before the game and am greeted by a coop full of four chickens. Confused, I ask one of my roommates (the most redneck of the bunch), "What in the world are these chickens doing here?" Here is the conversation that ensued:

Redneck Roomie: "We bought them."
Me: "Why?"
Redneck Roomie: "For the game."
Me (confused): "Huh. What do you mean, for the game? Like, to cook?"
Redneck Roomie: " No, to paint blue."

That's right. Chickens. Painted blue. The idiot roommate, who was 23 at the time, and his friends bought four chickens in order to spray paint them blue (the color of the Jayhawk mascot). I immediately packed my bag and stayed at a friends house that night before working the game the next day. I, obviously and justifiably so, wanted no part of it.

And you better believe the roommates went through with it. Right before the game started, word reached the press box that four live chickens, painted blue, were running amok in the student section. Sadly, three passed away while being batted around by the K-State students. It's all one really needs to say about the type of people who go to K-State. A surreal moment I will never forget.

You stay classy, Manhattan, Kansas!