NOTES FROM A WEEKEND IN KANSAS CITY

Since I had the rare opportunity for a quick trip back home to the Kansas City area on Saturday, I had to skip out on a full weekend in Waco and make a bee-line for the City of Fountains. Here are some quick thoughts about the weekend trip (with pictures to follow):

• The Kansas City Royals do indeed suck.

• At the Royals game I attended Sunday, the last surviving munchkin from the Wizard of Oz won a dance-off in the bottom of the fifth inning and received a free backpack for his silky-smooth ways. The little guy was indeed very quick on his feet and easily beat some middle-aged man who looked as if he was going into some sort of epileptic seizure. The lesson, as always, do not fuck with munchkins.
  

• My friend Andrew is in a dysfunctional relationship. Much more dysfunctional than anyone reading this could ever imagine.
  

• There is a McDonald's workout circuit in a grassy knoll outside the Golden Arches at the Emporia, Kansas, rest stop exit along the Kansas Turnpike. The 400-pound man who had just wolfed down three quarter pounders did not choose to use the circuit to his advantage. Instead, he bought an ice cream cone.

• McDonald's is not a tasty place to eat. Why I always asked for it as a kid is beyond me. I just must have been one stupid kid.
  

• I am no good at black jack. Bad to the point where some guy who was missing nearly all of his teeth and had multiple tatoos yelled at me for costing him five dollars for hitting when I should have stayed. I felt no need to make a witty comeback. His life looked bleak enough without having me point out some obvious flaws in his choice of lifestyle.

• The random cover band at the Ameristar casino which played Michael McDonald covers to an audience of one (me) at midnight Sunday really needs to start playing different covers. I know this because they are the 1:00 a.m. cover band on Sunday night at the Ameristar casino.

• I still believe the city of Lawrence, Kan., to be a much nicer place than the city of Waco, Texas.

• Road constuction is not enjoyable.

• Neither is arriving back home at 5:00 a.m. on Tueday morning.

• Despite the fact the Royals are currently about as talented as an un-trained circus monkey, I believe in Dayton Moore (Royals general manager).

• Everyone will be jealous of my Hot Dog Derby t-shit which says Relish KC that I now have in my possession. Sorry, it is not for sale.