BOGUS BIG 12 CONFERENCE PREVIEW: NO. 3 NORTH - COLORADO

As we plod along towards finishing the Big 12 Conference preview, we head to Colorado, where the Buffaloes are tabbed third in the North by The Waco Chronicles.

COLORADO BUFFALOES
Offense: Don't know.
Defense: Don't care.
Special Teams: Huh?
Coaches: Sure.
Mascot: Cool.
Will they lose to Baylor: Most definitely.
Overall Analysis: Whatever.

See, Boulder, Colo., is the only Big 12 Conference town I have never spent the night in. Therefore, I really do not care about the 2006 version of the Colorado Buffaloes, except for their meeting with Baylor. Sure, I have been to the town as I passed on through to Ft. Collins or Denver; but, I have never had the time to go out and see what the place is all about. Therefore, I really cannot provide the type of analysis readers come to expect. Seems like a nice enough place, though.

So, no story from Boulder. I figure everyone will get over it.

Third seems like as good as place as any for the Buffaloes; although, I may say, I really hate their basketball coach. A lot of people have the team lower in the conference; but, I think the Buffaloes may be the sleeper team of the 2006 season.

So, congrats Colorado on your predicted third-place finish in the Big 12 Conference North Division. Or, to put in another way, stuck in mediocrity.

HAPPY 50TH POST TO ME!

Somebody should buy me a cookie. Or, maybe some shoes. I could really go for a pair of new shoes. Preferably, Steve Madden's; or, perhaps some Dr. Marten's. Those brands have always been comfortable. Brown or black will do. Thank you.

BOGUS BIG 12 CONFERENCE PREVIEW: NO. 4 NORTH - KANSAS

Rock Chalk, people! Time to preview the team I grew up watching, the Kansas Jayhawks. The good ol' University of Kansas. A person can count on one hand the number of football and basketball games I missed growing up due to things other than school activities, events, etc. I bled crimson and blue growing up; I refused to miss a game for anything in the world.

So much so, I did not even go to school there. Unfortunately, the football team was never up to par with the hoops team; however, things seem to be turning around for the Jayhawks as far as football goes. If it were not for suspensions and injuries leading up to the season, there is a chance Kansas could have been playing for a Big 12 North title this season. Instead, they will likely be fighting for a bowl spot throughout the season. Anyway, here is the preview for the Fighting Manginos:

KANSAS JAYHAWKS
Offense: Should be a lot better for the Jayhawks this season. A freshman under center; however, could make things difficult at the start.

Defense: One of the nation's best last season; however, graduation and suspensions could mean a significant drop on the side of the ball. Despite this, the group is still extremely talented and has plenty of potential.

Special Teams: Seriously, I do not care about special teams. Just make the damn field goal.

Coaching Staff: Kansas has a really fat head coach. The previous sentence was the understatement of the year. Those in charge should create a new word to describe Mangino. Maybe fatacular, fatastic, something, anything. Fat just does not do him justice. It's just too simplistic of a word to describe his waist to height ratio. He is a death on the sidelines waiting to happen.

Most Memorable Kansas football game growing up: Kansas 28, No. 2 Oklahoma 11. Oct. 27, 1984. An unbelievable game. Kansas sucked that season. Somehow, they managed to destroy the Sooners, the number two team in the country at the time. The game was memorable for three reasons: 1) it was played in a monsoon at times, which led to the Oklahoma punter actually kicking the ball and having it go backwards over his head. 2) Troy Aikman was the quarterback for Oklahoma that day. I'm pretty sure if Aikman ranked his performance in every game he ever played, I am pretty sure this one would rank dead last. He sucked. 3) I think our entire family was almost killed by one of the goal posts that were ripped down after the game.

Percent chance Kansas defeats Missouri this year: 100.

As for a Lawrence story, as one can imagine, there are many. Not one story can define my experiences in Lawrence, a great town which everybody should visit. Honestly, have you ever heard of anybody going to Lawrence who did not love the town? I didn't think so.

Since no one story can define my feelings for Lawrence, I might as well trot out one of my most embarrassing moments in the town. As was the case with most summers while I was at Drake University, I would head back to Lawrence several times each summer to visit family and friends. Naturally, this would mean I would stay at home with my mom when I came back, an important fact everyone needs to remember as I continue.

Well, I would time my visits to coincide with high school friends who would be visiting home as well. This would usually mean a few nights of drunken debauchery with the crew down on Mass. Street. So, Andrew (my best friend growing up), back from St. Louis University, and I head out for another typical Friday night.

Seeing as we were both young, single and had nothing to lose, after we would get a few in us, we usually had no problem going up and talking to random girls. On this night, we had brought our 'A' game. The first two girls we meet, we immediately strike a good conversation, probably throw some complete bull shit at them and are making them laugh on a regular basis. Good times are being had all around.

As the night goes on, it is pretty clear we can get these girls to come home with us for a night of "bad decisions;" or, even better, go home with them (since we did not have our own place or anything). In fact, around the end of the evening, one of the girls asks, "so, what are we all going to do after bar close?" I think, almost simultaneously, Andrew and I blurt out "why don't we go back to your place?"

Unfortunately, we were not going to be able to due to other roommates who had gone to bed earlier. The girls did not want to disturb them. Whatever. Andrew and I were not going to give up on this easily. Luckily, we had a back-up plan. My mother was heading to Colorado that night; therefore, the house I was staying in was going to be empty. In fact, there was some high-quality wine waiting at home for everyone to partake in as well.

So, we invite them back to my house. They accept. Andrew and I are happy. All that jazz. We pull into the driveway as they followed in their own car and we all get out to go in the house through the garage door. I punch in the door and the garage door opens:

Oh, shit.

It was almost like slow motion. There she was, standing there, loading the car. My mother. She had not left yet. Unbelievable. I think if somebody had been there to take a picture, the look on mine, my mom's, Andrew's and the girls’ faces would have been the five most priceless pictures of all time.

Needless to say, for a variety of reasons, my mom was pissed. First and foremost because we were going to try to shack up with a couple of girls in her own home. What can I say? We were dumb and stupid. Obviously, the girls bailed out as fast as possible, never to be heard from again. For all I know, the night probably traumatized them for the rest of the college careers. Maybe they never thought about a one-night stand again after the episode. We were probably doing them a favor.

After the girls left, which was downright embarrassing by the way, my mother lit into us. She basically started dog-cussing Andrew and I. The funniest was her yelling at Andrew, a life-long friend who I have known since I was five. My mother never yelled at my friends; but, here she was, giving Andrew a lashing. Probably because she knew he was the one behind the whole idea. It was a fantastic verbal assault, one I know Andrew has never forgotten.

I guess, in the end, we all learned a valuable lesson: grow up and get out of mom’s house so you can do whatever you want to. After all, life is full of lessons.

BOGUS BIG 12 CONFERENCE PREVIEW: NO. 5 NORTH - MISSOURI

Ah, Missouri. Doing "less with more," for years now. For those who do not know, growing up in Lawrence, Kan., it is pretty much impossible not to hate Missouri. Well, I still hate Missouri. With a passion. In fact, if I had to rank the top five teams/schools I hate at any level in any sport, the list would pretty much look like this:

1. Denver Broncos
2. Missouri Tigers
3. Chicago White Sox
4. New York Yankees
5. Oakland Raiders

Congratulations, Missouri! The only higher-education institution to make the list. Job well done. At any rate, here is the Missouri outlook:

MISSOURI TIGERS
Offense: Do they still have Brad Smith? If not, they may struggle a little.
Defense: Guess here is that they have some talent; but, the coaching staff will probably screw it up.
Special Teams: Does anybody really care about 'special' teams? Didn't think so.

Coaching Staff: Ah, the coaching staff. Screwing up talent for four years now. Does anybody have any idea how talented Missouri has been over the past few years? There is absolutely no excuse for the school not to have won a North Division title at least once over the past five years. Instead, they are too busy screwing up a talent such as Brad Smith, trying to make him a pocket passer instead of the natural run-pass option quarterback that he is. This usually ends up resulting in 21-7 losses to inferior Kansas teams year after year; and, here is to thinking the trend will continue.

The Only Stat That Matters: Baylor has won more national championships (2) in the past three years than Missouri has won Big 12 titles (1) since the inception of the conference in 1996. Missouri won the first softball title; and, softball became a Big 12 sport a year before all others sports did. So, in other words, Missouri won the very first Big 12 title and has not won one since. Pathetic.

Overall Analysis: They have been underachieving for 10 years now. Why is 2006 going to be any different?

As for a Missouri story, I do not really have any good ones; I have avoided the city like the plague. I have only been there a couple of times; and, it has only been for matters of work. However, that is not to say I do not have a good story that is at least Columbia, Mo., related.

It's time to go back to sophomore year at Drake University. Her name was Ashley. She was from Columbia, Mo. At any rate, I cannot remember how I met this girl, just that I liked her from the start. Well, eventually, I mustered the courage to ask her out. Luckily, at least I thought so at the time, she said yes. The first date was a disaster. Not in the sense that we did not have a good time; but, rather, other circumstances kept arising to make the date difficult. It was one of those dates where we had a good time despite all the circumstances which made it difficult to pull off. I'll save everyone the story; but, it should have been a sign of things to come.

Flash forward a couple of weeks. I really like this girl; I want to impress her, all of that good stuff. So, I invite her to our fraternity formal in Chicago (that's right, I used to be a frat boy). She accepts and we set off for a weekend in the Windy City.

Well, she had some friends in the fraternity who she knew long before she ever knew me. These clowns had invited a couple of girls on a whim to the formal; and, unfortunately for them, their dates ditched them once they arrived in Chicago. Naturally, Ashley felt bad for them and wanted to know if it was alright by me if she hung out with them for the evening. I agree with her motives and we decide to go our separate ways until the end of the night. We had fun up until that point; so, we might as well do our best to make sure everyone has a good time.

Needless to say, going our separate ways at a formal meant getting as plowed as possible before our return to our rooms. My friends get Ashley extremely drunk while I hang out with some other people in a different room and do the same. Eventually, we cross paths late in the evening and decide to head back to our room.

As we were both so incoherently drunk, we just pass out in bed. A few hours pass and I wake up around 8:00 a.m. and immediately begin to panic. Why? Well, I was soaking wet. Immediately, I think I was so drunk the night before I have wet the bed, causing irreparable damage to my reputation and our relationship. So, I spring into action.

I rush into the bathroom and start thinking about scenarios to correct the situation. Then, it hits me. I am completely dry in front and my boxers do not seem to be wet at all. At first, a sigh of relief; and, then, the sudden realization the girl sitting next to me has just pissed herself and wet the entire bed and myself.

Unbelievable. I go over to wake Ashley up; and, almost instantaneously, she begins sobbing uncontrollably. I am as nice as possible about the whole situation; and, I even send her flowers the next day with the promise I would not tell anyone about her “accident.”

However, things would never really be the same. We went out a couple of times after the incident; but, I never get over the fact I was always sitting down next to somebody who had pissed all over me and she could never get over the fact she got so incoherently drunk one night she pissed all over somebody she barely knew.

Things kind of fizzled out and we went our separate ways. I guess, in the end, Ashley was kind of like everything from Columbia, Mo: they just piss all of their opportunities right down their legs.

MY FRIENDS' BLOG SUCKS!

See for yourself.

CRICKETS - AND I DO NOT MEAN THE BAR

Crickets, the annoying little creatures that chirp all throughout the night, are everywhere this time of year in Waco. They truly infest the city. To the point where it is damn near impossible to avoid stepping on one when walking down a sidewalk at night. If it is a damp area of town, like near the river, they pretty much cover all concrete areas and will be a pest to society until the winter.

At any rate, after a little workout at the SLC (note to self, never work out at the SLC at 10 p.m. during the school year... amateur mistake), I stop by the local convenience store on the way home for some Gatorade. As I arrive at the store, I avoid the literally hundreds of crickets on the side of the wall and on the sidewalk.

Once inside, I make my purchase of three, 24 oz. bottles of Gatorade, the cashier places them in a bag an I am on my way. Carefully avoiding the crickets, I climb in the car and head on home.

As I pull into the driveway, my thirst hits. I blindly reach into the bag and feel, not a Gatorade bottle; but, something crawling inside my hand. As a reaction, I am scared shitless. I basically jump five feet out of my seat and hurled whatever it was inside my hand at the wall. Splat.

Poor cricket. Never had a chance once he entered my hand. I look inside my bag to see if anymore had made there way in. Sure enough, in the 15 feet between the store and my car, two crickets had jumped into my bag. Gross. One suffered the ultimate fate, the other one I just simply let go. Oh, and then I rigorously washed my bottle of Gatorade. I may not even drink it. I am still debating.

I guess there really is not a lesson here, other than watch out for the crickets. They are trying to take over Waco; oh, and my Gatorade bag from the local BP Amoco.

BOGUS BIG 12 CONFERENCE PREVIEW: NO. 6 NORTH - KANSAS STATE

It's football season! Which, needless to say, I am excited about. So, in honor of the upcoming year, this week will be a preview of the Big 12 Conference season here at The Waco Chronicles.

Now, this will not be the typical rundown of each team's strength and weaknesses a person reads in the magazines written by the so-called "experts." Rather, a preview with my own little twist. Specifically, a story about an experience I have had in the town of the previewed school. Call it a "bad decision" recap. Trust me, it will be worth it once we get to preview teams such as Texas.

So, without further adieu, let's get to business. Today's preview, the team I predict will finish dead last in the Big 12 Conference North Division, the Kansas State Wildcats.

KANSAS STATE
OFFENSE: They have one, it stinks.
DEFENSE: They have one, it stinks.
SPECIAL TEAMS: They have specialists, they stink.
COACHING STAFF: They are new. Nobody is really sure if they stink or not.
OVERALL ANALYSIS: They stink and stink badly. The K Fed kind of stink. The kind stink you want to walk away from and never hear from again.

Now, as far as stories in Manhattan go, I have many. I had the pleasure of working at Kansas State before making my way to Waco. Needless to say, many bad decisions, many mornings when I woke up wondering why the hell I did what I did the night before.

Therefore, no real one story defines my experience in the town. Instead, I can pinpoint one story that defines the people I had to deal with in the city of Manhattan on a regular basis.

Now, like most schools ending with "State," Kansas State is an agricultural school. Therefore, it attracts students from some of the more rural; and, some would say, backwards, areas of the state.

Well, as a guy who had just finished his job at Marshall and needed to find a place to stay in Manhattan within a week of his hiring, I did not have many choices as to where to live. I basically told the boss, I do not care where I live, just find me a place to live. He calls back, says there is a student intern in the marketing office that needs a roommate. Considering my options, I accept immediately.

Flash to move-in day. Immediately, I recognize the mistake I have made. I am in the process of moving in with four guys and as I walk in it is apparent to me they are about as "country as they come." Now, after a few weeks, I became used to them. They were nice enough people, generally had a good time; and, although they were extremely obnoxious drunks, they were actually tolerable roommates.

That was until football season hit. Specifically, the Kansas game. Now, for each football home game, our house would turn into a zoo. It would pretty much resemble a 'Drinkin' Drivin' Drunk Redneck Reunion' each Saturday. People I would not even know would be crashing on my floor. Puke would litter the lawn. Numerous glasses broken, numerous toilets clogged. It was a disaster.

The Kansas game, seeing how the Jayhawks were the Mildcats main rival, was the big game of the year. Redneck Nation decided to take it up a notch. Specifically, my roommates decided to order live chickens for the festivities. Why? Because K-Staters are clever and like to call the "Jayhawks" the "Chicken-hawks."

Anyway, I pull into the driveway the Friday before the game and am greeted by a coop full of four chickens. Confused, I ask one of my roommates (the most redneck of the bunch), "What in the world are these chickens doing here?" Here is the conversation that ensued:

Redneck Roomie: "We bought them."
Me: "Why?"
Redneck Roomie: "For the game."
Me (confused): "Huh. What do you mean, for the game? Like, to cook?"
Redneck Roomie: " No, to paint blue."

That's right. Chickens. Painted blue. The idiot roommate, who was 23 at the time, and his friends bought four chickens in order to spray paint them blue (the color of the Jayhawk mascot). I immediately packed my bag and stayed at a friends house that night before working the game the next day. I, obviously and justifiably so, wanted no part of it.

And you better believe the roommates went through with it. Right before the game started, word reached the press box that four live chickens, painted blue, were running amok in the student section. Sadly, three passed away while being batted around by the K-State students. It's all one really needs to say about the type of people who go to K-State. A surreal moment I will never forget.

You stay classy, Manhattan, Kansas!

THE OFFICIAL DONNA COUNT - UPDATE

For those who do not know, I have this secretary who has turned missing days of work into an art form. Her powers to avoid a day of work here and there is downright awe-inspiring. It's something that should be encouraged and celebrated. So, here it is, the official Donna count. Check back often for updates.

Days of work missed since June 21, 2006: 5

Latest "reason" for missing work: Once again, the dentist strikes. Originally, Donna wanted to skip the entire day to go to the dentist. However, seeing as an entire day for a dentist appointment may be on the excessive side, the boss did not take too kindly to her original request. Instead, it was simply just a half day away from the office.

Unfortunately for me, her absence was noticed. Usually, I don't care. I just shake my head, say whatever, and move on forward. On this day; however, I needed our fearless secretary. Maybe two times a year, I have to send something via Fed Ex. It is the only two times a year I ask Donna to do something for me. Needless to say, I was not happy. Fortunately for me; however, I was able to conquer the Fed Ex process and send my high priority package on its way.

Disaster averted.

HISTORY!

This guy... taunted. No way?! Couldn't possibly happen...

A BAD WEEK FOR SMALL, FLIGHTLESS FOWL IN TEXAS

It's been a devestating week for small, flightless fowl in Texas this week. Two days ago, 4,000 turkeys were killed when a truck overturned; and, now, four penguins went to that iceberg in the sky after a truck over-turned on Highway 59.

I guess I have noting else to say other than what the hell are 25 penguins doing on a truck in Texas?

THE OFFICIAL DONNA COUNT - UPDATE

For those who do not know, I have this secretary who has turned missing days of work into an art form. Her powers to avoid a day of work here and there is downright awe-inspiring. It's something that should be encouraged and celebrated. So, here it is, the official Donna count. Check back often for updates.

Days of work missed since June 21, 2006: 4.5

Latest "reason" for missing work: It's been awhile since the last Donna Count; however, we are pleased to announce it has returned. The ol' secretary missed a half day of work for a plethora of reasons today, including errands that seemed to take three hours and her daughter's emergency dentist appointment. Did I mention her daughter is 25 years old? I should dock another half day because I had to run around the office trying to make change for a $20 since I had to sell a media guide to some guy since she was not available.

Oh, and to nobody's surpise, the boss is not in today.

PLEASE REMOVE THE FIGURE SKATING MONTAGE FROM THE SHOW

I apologize before anybody reads this post. It contains some profanity. It contains anger. It contains a raging desire to lay a smack down on the writers and producers of the CBS show "Numbers." Below is an open to letter to those who treated me like a retard on Friday night.

To the 'Numbers' Cast and Staff:

Do I look like a freaking idiot? Well, do I? Jackasses.

I had the fortunate misfortune of watching your ridiculous show last Friday night. You treated me like a second grade reading level dipstick. I will never forgive you for this. Ever. I feel stupid enough traversing the streets of Waco each day. Now I have to watch this crap and get 10 percent dumber with each passing minute.

If you morons are too dumb to remember, the show revolved around the plot of whether or not the victim of the show was a murder victim or had commited suicide. Since the title of the show is Numbers; clearly, numbers were going to be involved in determining the outcome of the investigation. We all know this going in. I mean, really, we really do.

Well, in your infinite wisdom, you had one of our heroes use a figure skating analogy to discuss percentages as part of an equation. And a bat analogy. As well as one that involved blueprints. Oh, really, my DNA is like a house blueprint. No shit. Is your entire target audience just getting ready to enter fourth-grade Earth Science class?

Do I look like an effing kindergartner? I need an analogy for percentages?! You have to be kidding me. Let me give you an analogy. Assholes.

That's like me going up to a bar to order a Jager Bomb and spewing the following, mind-numbing drivel:

"You know, since I need to talk down to you because I feel as if you are too stupid to figure it out, I am buying you a Jager Bomb. It's an explosive combination of Red Bull and Jagermeister. Kind of like when my left jab is followed by a right upper-cut of an executive of the CBS show 'Numbers.' It's an explosive combination of speed and power that pleases everyone involved, including the executive, who is clearly too stupid to realize what the hell is going on. The end result is dizziness, some stumbles as well as a strong chance somebody will be unconscious in the end."

I'd be kicked in the groin for saying something like that. Probably punched in the face, too. Definitely would not be talking to girls for the rest of the evening. Hell, I probably would not be allowed to talk at all. I mean, Jager Bombs have obvious implications, don't they. I don't need to dumb it down for anyone. Everyone knows what they are getting into.

Well, I now know what I am getting into with your show. The chance to feel like I just flunked a second-grade spelling test again. Thanks a lot, Ms. Williams. I respect the intelligence of others. You clowns act as if I just started walking and I don't know how to read.

Lucky for you, I have done the percentages as well. I have crunched the numbers. And, much like the victims of your show, I suspect everyone involved in your show is committing suicide. Career suicide.

That goes for you, too, Mr. Northern Exposure. You looked like you needed to take a numero two the entire time. It made you look like a confused pansy. Jack Bauer would chew you up and spit you out. I want my FBI agents to be tough, not some guy who goes crying to his father when something is wrong.

Oh, and that firefight at the end of the show. The one where you looked like you were waving a wet noodle around and using it as an Uzi. Well, the citizens of the fake town you live in want to thank you. Thank you for the 10-11 innocent bystanders you took out while trying to stop one bank robber. Nice shooting, Tex.

You fire off 500 rounds and only connected once; and, you hit him in the leg. By accident. I am pretty sure I saw a ricochet. Way to go, John Wayne. You no-talent ass clown. Where the hell was my baseball player "swing and miss" analogy on that one? Or, would I be too stupid to get it? Probably, you guys were just too dumb to think of it. Probably too busy trying to think of a way to work a triple axel into next week's show.

In closing, I'd like to say this to all involved in the making of 'Numbers."

Screw you.

Good talk.

Sincerely,
Never watching the show again.

IN THE LAST MINUTE...

I have put a 12-inch gash on my forearm as I reached for a game program and have banged my shin against a desk. I will now go walk on some glass and head butt some sharp object to finish off the effect.

Good times at Floyd Casey Stadium this afternoon.

I WILL HAPPILY NOTIFY YOUR PUNK ASS 15-YEAR OLD KID THE ERROR OF HIS WAYS

A quick story from the movies last night as a group of us headed out to watch Talladega Nights (extremely funny by the way, highly recommended).

Anyway, standing in line is some sort of fast-talking, prepped out, maybe 14 or 15 years old, kid right in front of me. This jackass, who forgot to bring his student identification card, is trying to buy a student ticket. After much debate, the lady says he cannot. Much to the chargin of the student, this doofus responds by saying, “Well, bitch, that’s fucking gay!”

Now, if this was some sort of kid who acted like he was just a bad seed and looked as if he would not know any better, I would have just let this go. Instead, it was pretty obvious by his tone he just wanted to be a punk. He was all decked out in his Fitch gear, talked about how he had an "athlete card" and wanted to know why that would not work in place.

At any rate, I felt as if I needed to teach this kid a little life lesson. So, I backhanded the dude in the shoulder to get his attention and told his sorry butt to apologize. After doing so; and, realizing he had just been called out, he did so and walked away.

We all then watched the movie.

That's it. That's my story.

IS IT 5:00 YET?

Just curious. I am ready to go home.

HEY, LOOK! BAYLOR MADE A TOP 10 LIST...

For most embarrassing moments in college basketball history. The shock is not that Baylor is on the list; but, however, Baylor is not listed as the most embarrassing moment in college basketball history.

All joking aside, props to Seth Davis for actually sticking to the facts. Most of the time, reporters say Baylor was put on probabtion for the murder and completely skip the rest of the facts. However, the truth is the Bears missed half of their season last year because the former coach paid the way for one of the players to attend campus.

YOUR RIDICULOUSLY STUPID RIVALRY GAME NAME OF THE DAY

The Friends of Coal Bowl, featuring Marshall against West Virginia to open the 2006 football season. If I was still at Marshall, I would be incredibly pissed about this. Instead, I just mock my friends who still work there about it. Good times.

JUST BECAUSE...

The one on the top left is my cell phone ring. I really have no idea why. Probably because the theme for Pac Man or Donkey Kong was not available.

On a side note, it's good to see Oklahoma car dealerships pay well. $18,000 for zero to five hours a week. Of course, it gets a person kicked off the team. I still say it's worth it. Job well done, Rhett. The money should be able to get you some pretty choice seats for the upcoming season.

CASEY CAPP COULD USE SOME FRIENDS

Poor Casey (get it, Casey, KC... ugh) Capp. With all the trials and tribulations of his once-proud organization, he just does not have that many friends anymore. His team loses, attendance is down and nobody seems to care. Poor guy has just lost his way.

In order to branch out a little but, old Casey has hit the information superhighway in hopes of branching out and meeting some new people. That's right, Casey has created a profile on MySpace.

It's the last bastion of hope for a guy that once was able to bring in over two million fans a season. If you feel like asking Casey as your friend, need to send some words of encouragement or just want to read the absolute ridiculousness that is the profile of a baseball hat, readers can find Casey's profile right here.

Right now, Casey has only one friend, that creepy Tom dude who wants to be everyone's friend when people sign up on MySpace. So, help a guy out, become Casey's friend. I'm just passing the word on; and, Casey would like everyone to know the profile will be updated once he figures out how to do all that fancy, schmancy, MySpace crap.

ONE HELPFUL BUS BENCH

Just in case the next site you visit from The Waco Chronicles happens to be one of those websites where you need some of that quality "alone time," here is a bus bench that wants you to know there is some help available. The Waco Chronicles not only likes to be informative, it likes to be helpful.

(FYI. This bus bench is right outside the Wal-Mart in Hewitt. Needless to say, it was the first bus bench I have ever seen that was devoted to internet pronography addictions.)